in the love of Christ

My husband and I are in a particularly difficult, though rewarding, season of life. We wake up each day hopeful for the best and thankful to not be going through this crazy world alone. In the past, there may have been one really rough trial to get through (granted we are young and our past is still the first four niches of an Olympic pool) at a time. But, today, as I sit here thankful for all I have around me in our cozy slightly sketchy apartment complex, I see clearly that we are trekking through at least three major trials. There is no need to go into detail about these trials and some you may guess from the simple fact that we are now in our second years of marriage and making major life/financial decisions and living slightly outside of our comfort zone some days. I don't need to go into detail because the lessons to be learned here are universal to many kinds of trials! "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, Blessed

"I am clinging to the past and to my what-I-thought-should be instead of to His perfect what-will-be." (Katie Davis) Read this post: http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/2012/10/she-clings-tightly-to-edge-of-pool.html I could not have said it any better myself. I am in a season where God is pulling me to the middle of the pool, the very center of His will, and I am terrified. It is as if all His past faithfulness disappears and I doubt for a second that He really has a plan. The al issue is that I believe with all I am that He has a plan but I doubt my ability to live in His plan, to thrive in His will. Another way that my flesh fails me, always self deprecating and unfaithful to lift me up. So, why would I choose the path of my flesh (as undaunting as it may be) over the perfect peace and love I certainly know will be found in the center of my Father's Will. In my doubt, He is faithful to guide me. Why would He be any less faithful when I am in His will?

People are made with skills and passions. There are things you can read about a person, even in childhood, that signal a passion for art, dance, math, something! There are two or three things in my life that have been these foretold passions or skills of my own: nursing and singing. I have been crooning since I could walk and I have been the mothering caretaker for just about the same amount of time. In high school, my days were spent helping the school nurse and singing in the choir (and the hallways and the shower and the car). One day, I turned this a bit more around and got involved in a church that I absolutely adored. I began singing on Wednesdays on the worship team and found out that there may be a little more to this singing thing than just a potential career path. Singing became my most favorite way of praising my Father and bringing glory to God. I arrived at Western Kentucky University ready to figure out what the heck I would do with my life and to get ready to put m

One short chapter among the may chapters of prophesy found in Jeremiah. "When Baruch son of Neriah wrote on a scroll the words Jeremiah the prophet dictated in the fourth year of Jehoiakim son of Josiah king of Judah, Jeremiah said this to Baruch: "This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says to you, Baruch: You said, 'Woe to me! The Lord has added sorrow to my pain; I am worn out with groaning and find no rest.' But the Lord has told me to say to you, 'This is what the Lord says: I will overthrow what I have built and uproot what I have planted, throughout the earth. Should you then seek great things for yourself? Do not seek them. For I will bring disaster on all people, declares the Lord, but wherever you go I will let you escape with your life.'" (Jeremiah 45:1-5 NIV)" I can't help but imagine, and please don't quote me as an authority in this because I am far from it, that Baruch, son of Neriah, sat there writing down the words of T

I wear jeans to church. I wear dressess and khakis to church. I wear my scrubs to church. You would think that after a certain amount of time people would stop caring so much about the way people prepare their outsides for a church service and... well not care at all instead. I was going to say that maybe they should care about how people prepare their inside but I can tell you one thing...it isn't any of anyone's business. (Maybe I am a little fired up...can you tell?) Jesus rebuked the pharisees for only cleaning the outside of the cup and ignoring the inside and we have not learned our lesson. If I spend more time preparing my makeup and outfit for the day, church day or work day or school day or whatever, than I do spending time learning what the Lord has for me that day or in prayer with Him, then I have not got my priorities straight. I am not coming up with an excuse to be lazy. I am not condemning anyone for looking nice on Sunday morning, I try as often as

This lesson of obedience continues to challenge me, specifically self preservation over obedience.   Jeremiah 42, a few of the remnant of Israel come to Jeremiah and beg him to seek Gods word for them. They seem earnest in their seeking God's will. They ask, "May the Lord be a true and faithful witness against us if we do not act in accordance with everything the Lord your God sends you to tell us. Whether it is favorable or unfavorable, we will obey the Lord our God, to whom we are sending you, so that it will go well with us, for we will obey the Lord our God." (Jeremiah 42:5, 6 NIV). They seem so real about it all!  And what happens: the unfavorable choice in their eyes is what is chosen. God asks them to stay where they are, in the land they are being mistreated in by the Babylonians, a land of war, instead of going to Egypt where there is no fighting and life would be easier. The irony of Egypt being their desire is strong, but moving on.  God says, "Indeed, a

Yep. That is what I am hearing , I say to myself. No broom is gently cleaning the window’s screen. No water is running through the water heater. It is the leaves. The leaves are rustling, wafting that scent, the clean one that opens rooms and forces blood through the body. It is more than alarming. To notice it, to feel it in the ears causes such deep emotion, pure elation in that there is something happening to something apart from myself and it is lively, renewing, volatile. Sitting on the couch, reviewing some work, my head turned sharply because I thought I heard something. I look back down and realized I nearly missed it. As if I had been wrong, I assured myself that there was nothing there. But there was! There was something there just not something present enough to cause physical fear or alarm. It was just the leaves , I thought to myself. Just the leaves! Who am I? Close your eyes, woman, and take your mind off these trivial words. All they have taught you is to forge

A few months ago, I heard one of our pastor's say something that I may have heard before but never hit me until that moment. He asked the congregation after a lengthy story, "What can we do in return?". Now I don't really remember the story very well and I can't tell you what lead up to this point but most of the congregations said something along the lines of "Commit to Him" or "Praise Him". That is what pastor Jamie knew we would all say. He stopped and said, "No. We surrender." The bottom line in that moment: our culture around here has gotten so involved in how committed we are to God when our commitment will never be enough. I read Jeremiah 33 yesterday and man did I hear God speaking loud and clear (note: when I say I read I really mean I listened on my Holy Bible app so it did kind of sound like God speaking loud and clear). The chapter is God telling Jeremiah about what a prostitute Israel has been. He says that the peopl

Now that word: obedience.  It is a much stronger word than it appears. Those nine letters mean so much, especially to my spiritual health.  Jeremiah, a prophet of old testament Israel was a great man. I read about all the ways he stood for Gods word and was crushed by the people of Israel.  He truly persevered in a time that it was not such a good thing, socially, to be him. More than a few times he has to flee for his life, get beaten up by people who are supposed to care for him and prophesy the Word of God, though it went against what would please his listeners.  It surely did not help that many other prophets were around prophesying some easy-listening to their crowds.  Jeremiah's prophesies were often things that the Israelites most definitely did not want to hear.  He prophesied about lengthy occupation by the Babylonians as well as multiple full scale destructions of Jerusalem.  He was feared and abused for that. God continued to speak through him, as hard as it made his

Today, in worship, I stood singing and became humbled. I had been acting silly and there was lots of joking before the service but I couldn't help but feel that same atmosphere brought into my personal worship (which becomes less personal in some ways when your worshiping and leading). I wasn't meaning to be vain or self indulging purposefully. But was I? I mean, I spent rehearsal joining in and cracking jokes just as much as everyone else instead of preparing my heart. Shouldn't I know by now how that affects my worship? I should know by now that my attitude in preparation for worship is ten times more important than the twenty minutes I spend with a mic in front of my face.  So, I stood there, being smacked in the face by humility. And it showed. maybe not to everybody but surely somebody noticed the affect it was having on me because I could hear it in my voice, see it in my spirit, feel it in my hands. Humility.  I am a people pleaser. I am the kind of person who of

Who will receive the Kingdom of God? Matthew 21:12-46 In reading this passage today, I am overcome with humility. Jesus directly confronts the Pharisees more than once in these verses and what He has to say is earthshaking.  He has just arrived at the temple after his triumphal entry into Jerusalem, people shouting "Hosanna in the highest!" to the rightful Lord of Lords. First, He overthrows tables in the temple and heals the blind/lame there, putting the robbers in their place and asserting the true meaning of God's house. The next morning, He withers a fig tree and promising to his disciples that they can receive all they ask for in prayer is they believe. But things get even more real than that!  The Pharisees ask Jesus, "And who gave you this authority?", meaning the authority to do all the things He has done, specifically those miracles and such He had done right before. His response is to ask them where John's baptism came from, a question that cau

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?  "I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve."  (Jeremiah 17:9, 10 NIV) I read these verses today and was struck. I heard a sermon last week that explained that our soul and our spirit often become enmeshed into one another. They become so mixed up we cannot tell what our mind/soul/heart are telling us to do or what the Lord is leading through our spirit. When I read this verse, I was reminded of that explanation, which I won't go into depth on here.  What I want to say is this: I love traveling. I love meeting new people and tasting new foods and finding myself learning about different cultures. I love all of this stuff! But my heart breaks at the same time. My heart and spirit cry out within me in some of these transcultural and international experiences. There are moments where I just don't

"We almost always see only what's wrong with other people and not what's wrong with us." Man...did I need to hear that. There are just these moments in life where everything looks so tough. Moments where I walk away from them with burning in my eyes and wet eyelashes. Moments where I am fiery mad without understanding why or moments when I am hurt but nobody sees or could understand why I am uncomfortable.  This has been a week full of those moments. I know I am so imperfect and that I read too much into some things but there are moments where things are not so; where the reality and what I have perceived are one and the same.  But, when I got home today, I read this quote at the top. I can't help but acknowledge that some of my sensitives most likely have to do with me not examining myself to realize what I am doing wrong. I mean, there is a huge plank in my eye. I work on that plank and removing something from your eye is not easy. I think that is why Jesus u

Last night, as we ate a long awaited dinner with a group of volunteers from our youth program at Hillvue, my husband got a phone call. It was a senior high student asking if Billy new where his friend was.  To preface this, the student ministries got together and went out on a mini-mission trip right here in Bowling Green where they went to a church associated with ours in a neighboring community and had a big party for two days including fun games and treatS but most importantly worship, the gospel message and unconditional love offered to each kid that came. It was truly an amazing experience.  It seemed, after a few more phone calls, that one of the students decided to go spend the night with one of the kids from that neighborhood. Now, there is much more to it than that but we won't get into the sticky details. The problem was, that as we sat at dinner, no one knew where this student had gone.  We all decided not to worry until we knew that there was something to worry about

I just went on a walk. I have been trying to go on frequent walks to get some exercise and relaxation together. It has been great, especially with this weather.  But, as I was walking today, something occurred to me. I currently live about one street away from a rough part of town. However, my location is safe and practically on Western's campus. I never forget that right next door the neighborhoods gets pretty rough. During the day, kids are playing outside and people are walking home with their groceries but, at night, things get weird and no one goes on a walk, that is for sure.  So, when I go on a walk, I walk towards downtown to the pretty scenery and beautiful homes. I walk across town, essentially, for four city blocks and then I am among historic homes and pristine streets.  What struck me today was that it only took four blocks. There are only four blocks between low and high socioeconomic status.  There are only four blocks between the people who need help/hope and the pe

This is a hard one to write. I meant to sit down and do this one a few days ago but it is even harder to write today because I don't want to face exactly what I thought was so great and inspiring just a little bit ago.  I ask Billy to get me stuff all the time.  If I am sitting on the couch, I sometimes wait to see when he will get up and then ask him to grab something for me while he is "up anyway". I do this unknowingly most of the time but he always gets me what I ask for...then sets it down in front of me but just out of my reach.  I mean, I am laying in bed writing a paper and realize I need a book. I ask him to grab it since he is walking that way and he sets it on the edge of the bed just far enough away that I have to practically get up and get it.  This is very funny (or at least it is in hindsight) but very annoying as well. I figure, if he wants to take the trouble to bring me something, why put it just far enough away that I can't reach it without moving!?

A couple of nights ago at work, I had a few moments where I realized that patient care is where I need to be and that God is going to use this career of mine for His Glory.  The story is the same nearly every time but uniquely different all at once. I walk into a room and there is a patient and that patient is hurting. In some way, shape or form, this person needs help. Whether it is vomiting without ceasing or curling up in pain, they need healing. And sometimes it is a stress response, like a seizure brought on by the traumas of life running around then. I do my tasks and chit chat and then I leave because, at this point, I am just a tech who assists the nurses. I do not have any profound right to be a part of that patients care.  So when I go in to clean up vomit and that patient starts to tell me about their situation, my heart leaps and I want to know. I cannot describe how much I truly want to listen to their problems (and I hope that never changes). I don't reassure them of

I have written before about how God is always teaching me that I can get by on just enough.  What has been running through my mind and heart recently is another point about having just enough. Today, Billy and I have just enough money to pay our bills, for school, and live comfortable in comparison to many people all over the world. As far as gadgets and toys go, we have probably a little more than just enough and that is just fine by me (still in the realm of no cable). We have cars that work and are paid off. We are joyfully in the process of finding a house.  But what about in ten years? In ten years will we have the standards for just enough? When we have children asking for stuff all the time and, hopefully, higher pay grades, will what we view as enough today be enough then?  Here is what I am thinking: I hope with all my heart and being that what we see as enough today is just enough then as well. Today, when I am writing checks and making payments, I find that I need God and am

The other Sunday morning, I sat in bible study with some of our middle school girls.  We got to talking about other religions and how they seemed to view their gods.  We asked for examples that the girls had seen in their friends and schools.  One girl raised her hand and said "My friend is a different religion so she goes to a Lutheran school and this other girl is from a religion where she goes to Catholic church."  I thought to myself, Hmmmm. We then proceeded to discuss the existence of different denominations within Christianity and how they are also Christian though they may not be Baptist, which really seemed to clear some stuff up... I hope.  Keith Green, a worship leader from the 90's, discussed this topic in his personal journals where he expressed great distress at the thought of people disagreeing on some theology to a point that they could not all participate in the same congregation. At one point, he became very upset with a group of ministers from many diff

There will more than likely be moments in my life when I do or say something and it ends up coming around to someone who dislikes it and feels the need to chat chat chat on and on about it with their friends.  I would like to note that I try not to say stuff that makes people think twice about me or just go, "What!?". The reality is that I do say some things, as I am a slightly vocal person on certain issues, and they are not always going to please the ears of every listener.  Needless to say, there are reasons I can think of what someone might decide to strike up a riveting conversation about me, negative or positive depending.  But there is a fear in knowing that. There is a fear that exists inside me even at the thought of someone talking about me when I am not around. I am not in middle school so I would like to say that it does not bother me much but the reality is that it does bother me. It bothers me to the point that, sometimes, I would rather go without speaking for

We are majorly house hunting. And let me tell you, there are tons of homes with tons of potential that we have really liked. But today, we went and saw a few houses that we really liked.  This story will have a point! The first house we saw had been vacant for a while and was really beautiful. The floor plan was very open with quite a few windows and a sunlight in the kitchen that lighted almost the whole house! But there was no furniture to picture it as ours and the walls were painted Easter colors so it felt a little weird though we did like it as a contender. The price was the best in the market for us and was very realistic to our needs.  The last house we saw we got warned about before we walked in the door. Our realtor said, "Please keep in mind that this house is super cute but we need to look past the cuteness". I laughed and agreed but let me tell you it was really hard to do! The family that lived there deserves to occupy 16 pages in my Real Simple magazine because

Disagreement Today, I am thinking about how much a simple difference in understanding can hurt a relationship.  There is this thing called "the Bible" and it has tons of words in it. These are words and messages inspired by God to teach us humans about Himself. It has a great sentimental and theological value to it for many people and I have seen people ready to fight over a difference of opinion over one word in it.  Recently, there has been this video going around on Facebook by a passionate young man who shares some of his thoughts by spoken word poetry about how he views God and the whole video starts out with "What if". He goes on to portray his feeling about religion in one video and sexuality in another and they are very interesting as well as encouraging views, even if you don't agree with all that he says. He is, by the way, a human who is determining some of his beliefs and sharing them as a human. this is similar to writing a song or poem which people

This week, I took my car in to the shop to get a free oil change. For those of you who know me, I am all about coupons and this was a deal. While my car was back there, I asked them to take a look at my tires and rotate them since that was free, too. Well, after about 30 minutes, the friendly man came over to ask me to follow him so I can "Take a look" at something. Do those words scare anyone else? Let me say this before I go on. I have had my check engine light on for...more than a few months but I chalked that up to bad sensors. Also, my car has been so extremely loud when I drive it. As I drive on the interstate, I can hear a loud roar coming from outside my car that I thought was just part of the car getting old...it wasn't. My radio/CD player goes in and out each time I hit a bump or run over a twig. It is a little touchy. Needless to say, I have learned to ignore some things because I have chalked them up to old age for my dear boat of a car.  To move on, the man a

I really don't even know where to start some days. Here I am, one more day at Toot's where I have worked for almost nearly a year and I realize that my time there is spent, and hopefully well. I am heading to a new job in a new place, doing something I have never one before. I will be a student nurse in an ER here. So, I am evaluating. I am evaluating how I did this last year as a waitress, a co-worker and a friend. What it comes down to is, how well did I give glory to God in my work? How well did I share the hope of Christ with those around? I would like to say I did better than I actually did but I am unsure. I am unsure of whether I did any good at all. I am unsure of whether my loose cannon, no self control moments caused more harm to the Kingdom of God than good. All I can see are these moments. The enemy is sitting with me pointing them out like the stars in the sky. "So many screw up moments, Hannah! It's embarrassing. You would have done better to never try wi