I really don't even know where to start some days. Here I am, one more day at Toot's where I have worked for almost nearly a year and I realize that my time there is spent, and hopefully well. I am heading to a new job in a new place, doing something I have never one before. I will be a student nurse in an ER here.
So, I am evaluating. I am evaluating how I did this last year as a waitress, a co-worker and a friend. What it comes down to is, how well did I give glory to God in my work? How well did I share the hope of Christ with those around? I would like to say I did better than I actually did but I am unsure. I am unsure of whether I did any good at all. I am unsure of whether my loose cannon, no self control moments caused more harm to the Kingdom of God than good. All I can see are these moments.
The enemy is sitting with me pointing them out like the stars in the sky. "So many screw up moments, Hannah! It's embarrassing. You would have done better to never try with that Jesus-sharing at all." There were days, where my venting turned into gossip and my desire to be good at my job made me judgmental (Heck, that happened an hour ago as I left work!). There were moments when I gave in and used my tongue as a weapon to someone's ego for even insinuating that I faltered at a waitress...which sounds even more petty as I write it down.
But, my hope is that the moments that the devil is afraid to remind me of are the ones I will be remembered for. Like the times I talked about life change and what Christ has done for me and a girl said, "I really need that." Or the other time I chatted in Spanish with a dishwasher who asked, "Do you know Jesus as your Lord?" to which I replied "yes" and he smiled big and said "Me, too" and told me of his journey to the US and how lonely he could be but his Jesus kept him safe and reminded him he was never alone. He had the biggest smile, always wanting to greet me and encourage me as his "Christian sister". And every other, even slightly silly or small, conversation where I could point towards the answer to every question: Jesus.
Did I do the best job in the world at portraying Christ this past year as a waitress? Probably not the best. Did God still get to touch a customer or a co-worker or me through the experience? Most definitely yes.
My favorite moment: walking down the aisle between loads of full tables with some drinks spilling over the cups in my hands into my fingers and shoes, a man reached out from his table, he stopped me and said, "I can see God's light in you. Keep on shining."
That's why we do this thing called life with other people. Into different careers and cultures and places I will go hoping to shine some light. I have nothing to brag about, only recognition that I am nothing and Christ is everything. I am a failure most days...nearly everyday, falling short of what He calls me to... but His grace makes me perfect, forgives my sins, shines through to others, even when I feel like I am not doing a good job. That's all it's about and that's the reason I live.
InTheLoveOfChrist
So, I am evaluating. I am evaluating how I did this last year as a waitress, a co-worker and a friend. What it comes down to is, how well did I give glory to God in my work? How well did I share the hope of Christ with those around? I would like to say I did better than I actually did but I am unsure. I am unsure of whether I did any good at all. I am unsure of whether my loose cannon, no self control moments caused more harm to the Kingdom of God than good. All I can see are these moments.
The enemy is sitting with me pointing them out like the stars in the sky. "So many screw up moments, Hannah! It's embarrassing. You would have done better to never try with that Jesus-sharing at all." There were days, where my venting turned into gossip and my desire to be good at my job made me judgmental (Heck, that happened an hour ago as I left work!). There were moments when I gave in and used my tongue as a weapon to someone's ego for even insinuating that I faltered at a waitress...which sounds even more petty as I write it down.
But, my hope is that the moments that the devil is afraid to remind me of are the ones I will be remembered for. Like the times I talked about life change and what Christ has done for me and a girl said, "I really need that." Or the other time I chatted in Spanish with a dishwasher who asked, "Do you know Jesus as your Lord?" to which I replied "yes" and he smiled big and said "Me, too" and told me of his journey to the US and how lonely he could be but his Jesus kept him safe and reminded him he was never alone. He had the biggest smile, always wanting to greet me and encourage me as his "Christian sister". And every other, even slightly silly or small, conversation where I could point towards the answer to every question: Jesus.
Did I do the best job in the world at portraying Christ this past year as a waitress? Probably not the best. Did God still get to touch a customer or a co-worker or me through the experience? Most definitely yes.
My favorite moment: walking down the aisle between loads of full tables with some drinks spilling over the cups in my hands into my fingers and shoes, a man reached out from his table, he stopped me and said, "I can see God's light in you. Keep on shining."
That's why we do this thing called life with other people. Into different careers and cultures and places I will go hoping to shine some light. I have nothing to brag about, only recognition that I am nothing and Christ is everything. I am a failure most days...nearly everyday, falling short of what He calls me to... but His grace makes me perfect, forgives my sins, shines through to others, even when I feel like I am not doing a good job. That's all it's about and that's the reason I live.
InTheLoveOfChrist
I really needed this. Answered prayer.
ReplyDelete-Emily J.