Noise and Fading Radios
This week, I took my car in to the shop to get a free oil change. For those of you who know me, I am all about coupons and this was a deal. While my car was back there, I asked them to take a look at my tires and rotate them since that was free, too. Well, after about 30 minutes, the friendly man came over to ask me to follow him so I can "Take a look" at something. Do those words scare anyone else?
Let me say this before I go on. I have had my check engine light on for...more than a few months but I chalked that up to bad sensors. Also, my car has been so extremely loud when I drive it. As I drive on the interstate, I can hear a loud roar coming from outside my car that I thought was just part of the car getting old...it wasn't. My radio/CD player goes in and out each time I hit a bump or run over a twig. It is a little touchy. Needless to say, I have learned to ignore some things because I have chalked them up to old age for my dear boat of a car.
To move on, the man at the auto shop walked me back to my car and showed me some pretty interesting and frightening things. My back tires had great tread on the outer tire but none on the inner. Problem with some part back there causing the tires to have more pressure on the inner than the outer. Similar appearance on the front tires except that there was not any tread at all on the inner part of my front tires...as I they basically had whole. He them showed me the parts that desperately needed repair...they were broken, rusted, warped, and old. These parts should have been replaced a really long time ago and I am lucky I never blew my tire causing an accident...really lucky. He asked if I had had any signs, such as a roaring sound as the tires rolled faster. Now, that made me feel silly since I had...for a long while, but never thought anything of it.
At the end of the day, I surrendered my car to them and went home, ready to pay that bill the next day and take it home. And this frustrated me and scared me a little. I had all these signs, more than just the roaring sound. But still,I let it go and could have injured myself because of my ignorance! I stood there looking at this tire worn so far through that I could almost see through it thinking, "What a close call!" I ignored some pretty serious signs of an issue because I chalked it up to old age.
And I do that in other areas of my life. I ignore the moments when a foul or unkind thought enters my head or even leaves my mouth and I chalk it up to exhaustion or living in this culture. I just change pants because the ones I put in first are too tight then tell myself that it must just be bloating (let me tell you, it takes more than just bloating to make your clothes not fit). I become easily angered with someone for something they don't realize they are doing and then tell myself that it's a normal reaction instead of dealing with the issue. I pretend i don't see the date on my last prayer journal entry, since it has been a while, and I remind myself that it is just a busy time.
But the reality is that maintenance is an important part of all of the areas of our lives. Corporations hire consultants to evaluate the way they do things and show them how to grow and change. Mechanics look at cars and fix things so that the car/truck can run optimally. Medical equipment is calibrated annually so that accurate information is recorded instead of slightly off or erroneous data. It only makes sense that I and we should all be doing this to ourselves. People do this and they go on retreats or take a sabbatical or run to the psychologist for counseling, but usually not until it is staring them in the face and their lives are falling apart.
And I know this. I know that there is maintenance required for my heart and my mind and my fire hydrant of a mouth but I sometimes ignore the signs and let them get far enough that I almost hurt myself. Worst case scenario, I do hurt myself or, even worse, I hurt someone else. I can become a tire without any tread just awaiting the bump in the road to blow up and send this car of my life soaring in unpredictable directions, all the while acting as if things are just going the way life goes.It is time.
Today, it is time to make an inventory. What are the sounds and signs coming through between the fading in and out of my car stereo? What are their meanings? Where am I allowing myself to be led? What am I ignoring?
Let me say this before I go on. I have had my check engine light on for...more than a few months but I chalked that up to bad sensors. Also, my car has been so extremely loud when I drive it. As I drive on the interstate, I can hear a loud roar coming from outside my car that I thought was just part of the car getting old...it wasn't. My radio/CD player goes in and out each time I hit a bump or run over a twig. It is a little touchy. Needless to say, I have learned to ignore some things because I have chalked them up to old age for my dear boat of a car.
To move on, the man at the auto shop walked me back to my car and showed me some pretty interesting and frightening things. My back tires had great tread on the outer tire but none on the inner. Problem with some part back there causing the tires to have more pressure on the inner than the outer. Similar appearance on the front tires except that there was not any tread at all on the inner part of my front tires...as I they basically had whole. He them showed me the parts that desperately needed repair...they were broken, rusted, warped, and old. These parts should have been replaced a really long time ago and I am lucky I never blew my tire causing an accident...really lucky. He asked if I had had any signs, such as a roaring sound as the tires rolled faster. Now, that made me feel silly since I had...for a long while, but never thought anything of it.
At the end of the day, I surrendered my car to them and went home, ready to pay that bill the next day and take it home. And this frustrated me and scared me a little. I had all these signs, more than just the roaring sound. But still,I let it go and could have injured myself because of my ignorance! I stood there looking at this tire worn so far through that I could almost see through it thinking, "What a close call!" I ignored some pretty serious signs of an issue because I chalked it up to old age.
And I do that in other areas of my life. I ignore the moments when a foul or unkind thought enters my head or even leaves my mouth and I chalk it up to exhaustion or living in this culture. I just change pants because the ones I put in first are too tight then tell myself that it must just be bloating (let me tell you, it takes more than just bloating to make your clothes not fit). I become easily angered with someone for something they don't realize they are doing and then tell myself that it's a normal reaction instead of dealing with the issue. I pretend i don't see the date on my last prayer journal entry, since it has been a while, and I remind myself that it is just a busy time.
But the reality is that maintenance is an important part of all of the areas of our lives. Corporations hire consultants to evaluate the way they do things and show them how to grow and change. Mechanics look at cars and fix things so that the car/truck can run optimally. Medical equipment is calibrated annually so that accurate information is recorded instead of slightly off or erroneous data. It only makes sense that I and we should all be doing this to ourselves. People do this and they go on retreats or take a sabbatical or run to the psychologist for counseling, but usually not until it is staring them in the face and their lives are falling apart.
And I know this. I know that there is maintenance required for my heart and my mind and my fire hydrant of a mouth but I sometimes ignore the signs and let them get far enough that I almost hurt myself. Worst case scenario, I do hurt myself or, even worse, I hurt someone else. I can become a tire without any tread just awaiting the bump in the road to blow up and send this car of my life soaring in unpredictable directions, all the while acting as if things are just going the way life goes.It is time.
Today, it is time to make an inventory. What are the sounds and signs coming through between the fading in and out of my car stereo? What are their meanings? Where am I allowing myself to be led? What am I ignoring?
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