Longing and Loving
It is hard to be so far away from people you love so dearly.
For years, I have read the letters written by the Paul the Apostle in the New Testament and thought it was so sweet how much he loved the churches he was teaching from afar. He pours out beautiful prayers for them and makes it clear that he has been endeavoring to keep up with the news there. He is definitely not the only one who loves his brothers and sisters deeply, but he is the one on my mind today.
When we landed in Ireland over a year ago, I started to feel that longing for our families and our friends back in the States. I was watching on social media as the church we had just been serving for four years was changing, growing in answer to so many teary eyed and heavy hearted prayers. I was in the group texts still hearing the prayer requests and praises of women in whom the Lord was mightily working. I longed to see it with my eyes but knew it wasn't my place to be there in that season. From afar, I prayed deeply for them and sent encouragement as I felt led.
The risk of really loving people, taking down the walls that the world wants between us to walk in deep relationship with other humans trying their best to live well, was realized in how much I missed these champions. You could almost hear the enemy's lies trying to take advantage of this moment, "What's the point of building community here in Ireland? What if you leave in a few months and all you have is more people you may never see again and who may forget about you?"
The Lord gently led me early in my "pastor's wife" journey with some pretty amazing women to advise me. My friend Ally Bergstrom told me on her front porch after I drove 70 miles for some advice and encouragement that life in ministry is not easy but it's good. She told me to guard my heart, that not everyone has to know everything about me. I'm a pretty open person but I was learning the hard way that could hurt as a wife in ministry if I didn't have discernment to know what to share and when to share it. That could hurt me in life - full stop! She reminded me that my heart is a temple of the most High God and I should remember that, especially in relationships.
I have never forgotten that moment. It was a switch flipped in my heart and mind, pushing me to go to the Lord for guidance instead of running to my friends first. I began to understand who to trust and how much to share. What could have shut down my relational side with fear that everyone would use and abuse me instead strengthened me and led me to a truly deep relationships of great value.
Landing in Ireland, my prayer was for the Lord to clearly establish friendships and quickly help me discern things. He did that. I am thankful. It wasn't fun or easy but He was clear.
We plugged in slowly in comparison to the super speedway of the American church model of fellowship. It took us a few months to choose a church. I was enjoying a weekly parent toddler group at the school in our village with the lovely ladies there before we had even found a church family! And, when we prayed as a family and asked Jane which church she wanted to attend, it settled the matter. We plugged into Ballinasloe Christian Fellowship and what a blessing this was! There are great fellowships around where we lived but the Lord put us in Ballinasloe and we understood this more and more over time.
The relationships we built there are beautiful and real and Spirit-led. This is a small but mighty congregation of people who spend time in the Word, alone and together, and try to put feet to their faith in tangible ways. It is evident the Lord is at work and we are thankful to still call them family.
Between our friends at OM, other local churches, the local community, and our new church home, we found ourselves in beautiful and deep community there in Ireland. We still felt the longing and care for the people we missed at home. I have never had so many people to love in such vastly different places! And the Apostle Paul's words took on new depth for me.
I sat here reading Romans 1, verses 8 through 17, a few days ago and felt it to the depths of my being:
"First, I thank my God through Jesus Christ for all of you, because your faith is being reported all over the world. God, whom I serve in my spirit in preaching the gospel of his Son, is my witness how constantly I remember you in my prayers at all times; and I pray that now at last by God’s will the way may be opened for me to come to you.
I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong— that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith. I do not want you to be unaware, brothers and sisters, that I planned many times to come to you (but have been prevented from doing so until now) in order that I might have a harvest among you, just as I have had among the other Gentiles.
...
For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile. For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed—a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: “The righteous will live by faith.”
Paul talks about the Lord knowing how he constantly remembers these people in his prayers and longs to be with them, to encourage them and for them to gift one another in spiritual fellowship! He wants them to be strengthened, encouraged, and to hear the Good News of Jesus afresh.
We built real community, by the grace of God, in Ireland. It is such a blessing and a holy privilege to love so many people so very much.
And now, from 3,000 miles away, I understand Paul's longing more. I understand Jesus' prayer in John 17 better. In verse 21, Jesus prays to the Father for the believers to come (that would be all of us Christians since the disciples), "that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me."
That prayer has changed me. Jesus asked His Father for me to be as connected in love and fellowship to other believers as He is to the Father! I believe what scripture says and know that we, as believers in Christ, are filled with the Holy Spirit. This gives us the ability to be one - united as one Church, one Body of Christ by One Spirit - so that by remaining in Christ others will look at us and BELIEVE that God sent His Son. Our deep unity in fellowship has a purpose in showing Jesus to the world.
All of that one-ness now makes a new level of sense to me. Jesus died on the cross and conquered death to pay the price for my salvation. What I was helpless to do on my own, He did on my behalf. All of this gracious sacrifice so that I may have life and have it abundantly - to the full, eternally (John 10:10) - in relationship with the Maker of Heaven and Earth. And that abundant, full, eternal life is demonstrated in the beauty of relationship with one another, as well.
So, I sit in my rainy Tennessee winter and rejoice for all the people I love so deeply nearby to be so very close. Then, I close my eyes and long to just have some tea and biscuits with my Irish friends, chatting about everything from the weather to the beautiful expressions of our faith in Jesus.
Godly fellowship is a holy privilege, indeed.
For years, I have read the letters written by the Paul the Apostle in the New Testament and thought it was so sweet how much he loved the churches he was teaching from afar. He pours out beautiful prayers for them and makes it clear that he has been endeavoring to keep up with the news there. He is definitely not the only one who loves his brothers and sisters deeply, but he is the one on my mind today.
When we landed in Ireland over a year ago, I started to feel that longing for our families and our friends back in the States. I was watching on social media as the church we had just been serving for four years was changing, growing in answer to so many teary eyed and heavy hearted prayers. I was in the group texts still hearing the prayer requests and praises of women in whom the Lord was mightily working. I longed to see it with my eyes but knew it wasn't my place to be there in that season. From afar, I prayed deeply for them and sent encouragement as I felt led.
The risk of really loving people, taking down the walls that the world wants between us to walk in deep relationship with other humans trying their best to live well, was realized in how much I missed these champions. You could almost hear the enemy's lies trying to take advantage of this moment, "What's the point of building community here in Ireland? What if you leave in a few months and all you have is more people you may never see again and who may forget about you?"
The Lord gently led me early in my "pastor's wife" journey with some pretty amazing women to advise me. My friend Ally Bergstrom told me on her front porch after I drove 70 miles for some advice and encouragement that life in ministry is not easy but it's good. She told me to guard my heart, that not everyone has to know everything about me. I'm a pretty open person but I was learning the hard way that could hurt as a wife in ministry if I didn't have discernment to know what to share and when to share it. That could hurt me in life - full stop! She reminded me that my heart is a temple of the most High God and I should remember that, especially in relationships.
I have never forgotten that moment. It was a switch flipped in my heart and mind, pushing me to go to the Lord for guidance instead of running to my friends first. I began to understand who to trust and how much to share. What could have shut down my relational side with fear that everyone would use and abuse me instead strengthened me and led me to a truly deep relationships of great value.
Landing in Ireland, my prayer was for the Lord to clearly establish friendships and quickly help me discern things. He did that. I am thankful. It wasn't fun or easy but He was clear.
We plugged in slowly in comparison to the super speedway of the American church model of fellowship. It took us a few months to choose a church. I was enjoying a weekly parent toddler group at the school in our village with the lovely ladies there before we had even found a church family! And, when we prayed as a family and asked Jane which church she wanted to attend, it settled the matter. We plugged into Ballinasloe Christian Fellowship and what a blessing this was! There are great fellowships around where we lived but the Lord put us in Ballinasloe and we understood this more and more over time.
The relationships we built there are beautiful and real and Spirit-led. This is a small but mighty congregation of people who spend time in the Word, alone and together, and try to put feet to their faith in tangible ways. It is evident the Lord is at work and we are thankful to still call them family.
Between our friends at OM, other local churches, the local community, and our new church home, we found ourselves in beautiful and deep community there in Ireland. We still felt the longing and care for the people we missed at home. I have never had so many people to love in such vastly different places! And the Apostle Paul's words took on new depth for me.
I sat here reading Romans 1, verses 8 through 17, a few days ago and felt it to the depths of my being:
"First, I thank my God through Jesus Christ for all of you, because your faith is being reported all over the world. God, whom I serve in my spirit in preaching the gospel of his Son, is my witness how constantly I remember you in my prayers at all times; and I pray that now at last by God’s will the way may be opened for me to come to you.
I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong— that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith. I do not want you to be unaware, brothers and sisters, that I planned many times to come to you (but have been prevented from doing so until now) in order that I might have a harvest among you, just as I have had among the other Gentiles.
...
For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile. For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed—a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: “The righteous will live by faith.”
Paul talks about the Lord knowing how he constantly remembers these people in his prayers and longs to be with them, to encourage them and for them to gift one another in spiritual fellowship! He wants them to be strengthened, encouraged, and to hear the Good News of Jesus afresh.
We built real community, by the grace of God, in Ireland. It is such a blessing and a holy privilege to love so many people so very much.
And now, from 3,000 miles away, I understand Paul's longing more. I understand Jesus' prayer in John 17 better. In verse 21, Jesus prays to the Father for the believers to come (that would be all of us Christians since the disciples), "that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me."
That prayer has changed me. Jesus asked His Father for me to be as connected in love and fellowship to other believers as He is to the Father! I believe what scripture says and know that we, as believers in Christ, are filled with the Holy Spirit. This gives us the ability to be one - united as one Church, one Body of Christ by One Spirit - so that by remaining in Christ others will look at us and BELIEVE that God sent His Son. Our deep unity in fellowship has a purpose in showing Jesus to the world.
All of that one-ness now makes a new level of sense to me. Jesus died on the cross and conquered death to pay the price for my salvation. What I was helpless to do on my own, He did on my behalf. All of this gracious sacrifice so that I may have life and have it abundantly - to the full, eternally (John 10:10) - in relationship with the Maker of Heaven and Earth. And that abundant, full, eternal life is demonstrated in the beauty of relationship with one another, as well.
So, I sit in my rainy Tennessee winter and rejoice for all the people I love so deeply nearby to be so very close. Then, I close my eyes and long to just have some tea and biscuits with my Irish friends, chatting about everything from the weather to the beautiful expressions of our faith in Jesus.
Godly fellowship is a holy privilege, indeed.
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