Something I am not good at
There will more than likely be moments in my life when I do or say something and it ends up coming around to someone who dislikes it and feels the need to chat chat chat on and on about it with their friends.
I would like to note that I try not to say stuff that makes people think twice about me or just go, "What!?". The reality is that I do say some things, as I am a slightly vocal person on certain issues, and they are not always going to please the ears of every listener.
Needless to say, there are reasons I can think of what someone might decide to strike up a riveting conversation about me, negative or positive depending.
But there is a fear in knowing that. There is a fear that exists inside me even at the thought of someone talking about me when I am not around. I am not in middle school so I would like to say that it does not bother me much but the reality is that it does bother me. It bothers me to the point that, sometimes, I would rather go without speaking for the rest of my days on the off chance someone may talk about me. Why is that?!
Well, I think it is because I hate to think that there is a part of me that is not like-able. It stirs up some good old immature reasoning skills I have tucked away that tell me that I am just doing something way wrong and need to know what that person is saying so I can fix it. Also, I cannot sit here and pretend that I have never gossiped about someone before. I have and to think someone says that same stuff about me stings and burns pretty darn bad. I can easily become the villain in this story and that makes it even harder to hear of people talking about me because I have to face that I am no better than them, sometimes. For me, that is why I feel that way.
I am no apostle Paul but I cannot ignore that he faced to some talk behind his back once or twice. In Acts 25:7-12, Paul is faced with charges against him that are had been fabricated by the Jews and His response was simple as it says, "Then Paul made his defense: "I have done nothing wrong against the Jewish law or against the temple or against Caesar."" (Acts 25:8 NIV) this was not an isolated incidence. There were false teachers who preached against Paul and surely many a lay person who simple said, "Things just don't seem right with one".
I am definitely no Jesus but He also faced the malicious face of gossip a few times in His life. Heck, in Matthew, the entire Sanhedrin was talking trash behind Jesus' back and even using it to get Him killed. "The chief priests and the whole Sanhedrin were looking for false evidence against Jesus so that they could put him to death. " (Matthew 26:59 NIV)
But did either of them stop being who they were because of mean gossips? No. Should I stop being who I am because I am afraid of how someone will talk about me behind my back if I continue on the path I am on now? Absolutely not. As opposed to Paul and Jesus, no one is trying to kill me when they talk about me. But does it sometimes feel that way when I let my immature reasoning get the best of me? Well, of course it hurts but still not like actually getting put to death.
This is something I am not good at: speaking up when I should simply because I am scared of the sting that comes from gossipers' mouths. The big difference here between these Jesus, Paul and me (other than all the other obvious differences between us) is that they had control of their tongues. They knew when to speak and when not to and they knew not to say needlessly use language as a social tool in the way that I have found myself using it. This is what I am not good at: controlling my tongue and keeping myself from talking about others 100% of the time. 78.6% of the time, I do a pretty good job and I just really stink the rest of the time but it is something I know and am working at.
I need to stop letting other possible gossips keep me from saying what needs to be said and, at the same time, keep my own tongue from making me ashamed to say anything else.
I would like to note that I try not to say stuff that makes people think twice about me or just go, "What!?". The reality is that I do say some things, as I am a slightly vocal person on certain issues, and they are not always going to please the ears of every listener.
Needless to say, there are reasons I can think of what someone might decide to strike up a riveting conversation about me, negative or positive depending.
But there is a fear in knowing that. There is a fear that exists inside me even at the thought of someone talking about me when I am not around. I am not in middle school so I would like to say that it does not bother me much but the reality is that it does bother me. It bothers me to the point that, sometimes, I would rather go without speaking for the rest of my days on the off chance someone may talk about me. Why is that?!
Well, I think it is because I hate to think that there is a part of me that is not like-able. It stirs up some good old immature reasoning skills I have tucked away that tell me that I am just doing something way wrong and need to know what that person is saying so I can fix it. Also, I cannot sit here and pretend that I have never gossiped about someone before. I have and to think someone says that same stuff about me stings and burns pretty darn bad. I can easily become the villain in this story and that makes it even harder to hear of people talking about me because I have to face that I am no better than them, sometimes. For me, that is why I feel that way.
I am no apostle Paul but I cannot ignore that he faced to some talk behind his back once or twice. In Acts 25:7-12, Paul is faced with charges against him that are had been fabricated by the Jews and His response was simple as it says, "Then Paul made his defense: "I have done nothing wrong against the Jewish law or against the temple or against Caesar."" (Acts 25:8 NIV) this was not an isolated incidence. There were false teachers who preached against Paul and surely many a lay person who simple said, "Things just don't seem right with one".
I am definitely no Jesus but He also faced the malicious face of gossip a few times in His life. Heck, in Matthew, the entire Sanhedrin was talking trash behind Jesus' back and even using it to get Him killed. "The chief priests and the whole Sanhedrin were looking for false evidence against Jesus so that they could put him to death. " (Matthew 26:59 NIV)
But did either of them stop being who they were because of mean gossips? No. Should I stop being who I am because I am afraid of how someone will talk about me behind my back if I continue on the path I am on now? Absolutely not. As opposed to Paul and Jesus, no one is trying to kill me when they talk about me. But does it sometimes feel that way when I let my immature reasoning get the best of me? Well, of course it hurts but still not like actually getting put to death.
This is something I am not good at: speaking up when I should simply because I am scared of the sting that comes from gossipers' mouths. The big difference here between these Jesus, Paul and me (other than all the other obvious differences between us) is that they had control of their tongues. They knew when to speak and when not to and they knew not to say needlessly use language as a social tool in the way that I have found myself using it. This is what I am not good at: controlling my tongue and keeping myself from talking about others 100% of the time. 78.6% of the time, I do a pretty good job and I just really stink the rest of the time but it is something I know and am working at.
I need to stop letting other possible gossips keep me from saying what needs to be said and, at the same time, keep my own tongue from making me ashamed to say anything else.
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