In Peace and Comfort
On this Sunday, one year ago, I sat in my house excited for what the next day held. We had decided to speed up a very slow labor and have baby Jane induced early Monday morning. I couldn't eat anything after midnight, not that I wanted to as the labor contractions had already started and they were not playing nice on the way to the hospital. Needless to say, that was an anxious Sunday. Anxious and exciting.
Today is a Sunday. It is the beginning of the week my baby girl will turn one year old! What a whirlwind. But I am, once again, not having anything to eat or drink after midnight and heading to a hospital room not too terribly far from the one baby Jane was born in for a slightly different reason. Jane has a little brother or sister on Heaven now and it is time for me to let that precious child go.
We had known for a few weeks we were expecting but I was extremely anxious about our first appointment. Our OB said that was common for the second time around so we had our little ultrasound and she asked us to have another one on the higher intensity machine. We quickly went into another room and I knew the ultrasonographer was measuring more than the baby's size. 8 weeks 4 days but something was off so would we please follow up in one week. I sent Billy and Jane to the car and clung to the perfect heartbeat strip she printed me (bless her). My OB was in the hall and I gave her my "I'm a nurse, just tell me" face. It was all understandable and very much the situation where you just don't know which way things will go.
But I did know. I went on with the very busy next few days but knew that little baby had already passed. I prayed for God to breathe life into death as I believe He can but I also prayed for God's Will to be done, regardless of how my life would look. And it was.
Our follow up was a sad, quiet appointment. I knew there was no heartbeat as soon as the ultrasound started and I could tell my body had no idea. All my symptoms of pregnancy were there but the baby we saw was the exact same baby from the week before. Same size and shape.
I guess I felt like I should tell...everyone? I think it helps when I know what someone is going through before I see them and a text to all my family and friends seems equally as insufficient and difficult so this is the option I chose.
I had a week to prepare my heart for what I already knew had happened so I now rest very peacefully in my Heavenly Father's warm and loving embrace. He planned my days perfectly for me to process the loss of a precious little life and now to have a medical procedure to physically mourn that loss. My heart loved the instant I thought I was pregnant and it still loves as that child is in Heaven.
So, tomorrow morning, I will do the whole IV and fluids and hospital gown experience but, this year, there will be no baby to hold after the pain. But, one day, there will. And that will be a glorious day.
In Christ Love, Hannah
Today is a Sunday. It is the beginning of the week my baby girl will turn one year old! What a whirlwind. But I am, once again, not having anything to eat or drink after midnight and heading to a hospital room not too terribly far from the one baby Jane was born in for a slightly different reason. Jane has a little brother or sister on Heaven now and it is time for me to let that precious child go.
We had known for a few weeks we were expecting but I was extremely anxious about our first appointment. Our OB said that was common for the second time around so we had our little ultrasound and she asked us to have another one on the higher intensity machine. We quickly went into another room and I knew the ultrasonographer was measuring more than the baby's size. 8 weeks 4 days but something was off so would we please follow up in one week. I sent Billy and Jane to the car and clung to the perfect heartbeat strip she printed me (bless her). My OB was in the hall and I gave her my "I'm a nurse, just tell me" face. It was all understandable and very much the situation where you just don't know which way things will go.
But I did know. I went on with the very busy next few days but knew that little baby had already passed. I prayed for God to breathe life into death as I believe He can but I also prayed for God's Will to be done, regardless of how my life would look. And it was.
Our follow up was a sad, quiet appointment. I knew there was no heartbeat as soon as the ultrasound started and I could tell my body had no idea. All my symptoms of pregnancy were there but the baby we saw was the exact same baby from the week before. Same size and shape.
I guess I felt like I should tell...everyone? I think it helps when I know what someone is going through before I see them and a text to all my family and friends seems equally as insufficient and difficult so this is the option I chose.
I had a week to prepare my heart for what I already knew had happened so I now rest very peacefully in my Heavenly Father's warm and loving embrace. He planned my days perfectly for me to process the loss of a precious little life and now to have a medical procedure to physically mourn that loss. My heart loved the instant I thought I was pregnant and it still loves as that child is in Heaven.
So, tomorrow morning, I will do the whole IV and fluids and hospital gown experience but, this year, there will be no baby to hold after the pain. But, one day, there will. And that will be a glorious day.
In Christ Love, Hannah
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