Endless Mercy

New mercy, whispered at my ear as I opened my eyes and took in the soft light through the bedroom curtains. 

My feet hit the carpet and my hands reached to cradle my still swollen, tired face. The day before crept into my mind. It was a really tough day - the kind you cannot be proud of or even believe really happened as awfully as it had. 

But, this was a new morning and new mercy was being offered to me.  I could take it or I could leave it. Head in my hands while my family slept for a few more minutes, I could decide to accept this new mercy or live another day engulfed by whatever dark cloud had carried me the day before. 

Mercy was the better choice. 

The Oxford Dictionary defines mercy as “compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm.” That’s what I needed that morning. It wasn’t just that I should accept this mercy from God. I would have to give this new mercy to myself. 

Only the Lord and I knew the depth of my need for mercy.  I could say that another way. Only the Lord and I knew the depth of my charges for punishment. 

Oof...that is not going to be the most popular sentence I ever wrote. But, it is honest. I hadn’t committed a crime or physically wounded anyone.  In fact, I feel certain others would hush-hush my perception of the gravity of my sin and assuage my conviction if they had an ear into my internal conversations. 

My tough day had been full of selfish choices and loss of self control that came from a restless heart and a soul poked and prodded by anxiety. A cloud of depression, however brief or fleeting, had rested on me long enough that my vision had adjusted to the shade. I needed the Father’s hand to lift it and correct my gaze. He is a Good Father. 

As a mother, I sit with my children and perceive their mistakes even before they make them.  It is not hard to know when a lie is being formed in their mind to speak to me. Their deception is plain to me while they believe themselves cunning and able to get their way by any means.  My kids are great, seriously. They are loving and kind, empathetic and hardworking. But, every child can be selfish and throw tantrums and seek their own good over that of their siblings. They are human! And so am I. 

I love those little humans - my children. So though there are sometimes consequences for their poor decisions or bad behavior, they receive mercy more often than not. I may even cut them off mid-lie to give them a chance to restart that sentence and be honest. Or I might intercept as I perceive a big mistake in-process to offer guided questions or redirection. Sometimes, they just go on and make the mistake anyway. 

Parenting is so involved and it never stops. As much as I love those little humans, the Father who created all things and people loves them more.  He loves me. And, more often than not, I find Him granting mercy in my shortcomings.  

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

    his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

    great is your faithfulness.”

Lamentations 3:22-23

On this morning after an awful day, I chose to believe in the Loving Father for mercy. I chose to gift myself mercy instead of beating myself down. There was a full day ahead and life kept on going. 

Hours later, I was standing on the stage in the worship center at church. We sang out songs of praise and prayer. How unworthy and unkempt I felt inside! My pause of repentance and renewal that morning reminded me that one tough day didn’t disqualify me from service for the Lord, though unrepentance might. 

As I sang, I believed more and more that His love is steadfast and His mercy really endless. I remembered that the cloud could keep me downcast if I kept my eyes fixed on my shortcomings. I fixed the eyes of my life back on Christ Jesus. Someone said to me after our service that morning that they could see that I love Jesus. I began to weep because that is Who my soul, my heart, my mind, my spirit love and adore - Jesus. 

This story is not something I intended to share but felt compelled to share as I hummed my favorite hymn this week. 

“Come Thou fount of every blessing

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace

Streams of mercy never ceasing

Call for songs of loudest praise”

Robert Robinson (1735-1790)

Lord, tune my heart where it’s strings have loosened. I will praise the Name of Jesus forever for many reasons but especially for the ceaseless streams of mercy flowing over the people of God. 

In the Love of Christ, 

Hannah