Through It All
So many weeks of my life have been altered by the worship songs I prepare to sing the following Sunday. I don't listen to a lot of new music and, when I do, it is chosen for me while driving by a radio DJ. But, when I prepare for worship every other week or so, I am so thankful that I serve at a church where the worship folks are always finding the next best song to draw people closer to God and mix those new songs with the tried and true heart changers on Sunday morning.
This week as I prepared for church, my heart was painfully joyful. I pulled up the list, looked at the songs and cried. Some are songs that have gotten me through rough days in college or simply bring me back to the Truth of the Gospel instantly. But, it was the last song that really put my heart into a fast rhythm.
Driving home from an emotional church event in March, just two short weeks after our first trimester loss of our second child, I struggled with some facts about it that I just didn't know how to handle. This song came on my Spotify station and I cried and wept as the words left my mouth to bring my soul comfort. "Through it all, through it all it is well..." I know the tragedy of the man who wrote those words "It is well" so long ago and I was feeling my tragedy in full at that moment. But I sang it because none of my tragedy is purposeless. What could be wasted and destroy my life apart from Christ is used for my good and His glory. So, I cried and I wept and the words rose from my lips, "It is well. It is well. It is well with my soul."
Today, after a week of rehearsing and praying for God to be glorified in worship this morning then feeling the first movement of our new child over the past two days, I will sing those words again, "Through it all, through it all my eyes are in You." I will stand before His people and we will praise Him as He knits another child together in my womb because it is well with me. It was well in March and it is well with my soul today! May we cry out today and let it be well with our souls because He is with us! It doesn't mean I don't hurt or struggle or that my loss is forgotten but it does mean, in my life, that there is hope and purpose and life where emptiness could have remained. And it is well with me.
This week as I prepared for church, my heart was painfully joyful. I pulled up the list, looked at the songs and cried. Some are songs that have gotten me through rough days in college or simply bring me back to the Truth of the Gospel instantly. But, it was the last song that really put my heart into a fast rhythm.
Driving home from an emotional church event in March, just two short weeks after our first trimester loss of our second child, I struggled with some facts about it that I just didn't know how to handle. This song came on my Spotify station and I cried and wept as the words left my mouth to bring my soul comfort. "Through it all, through it all it is well..." I know the tragedy of the man who wrote those words "It is well" so long ago and I was feeling my tragedy in full at that moment. But I sang it because none of my tragedy is purposeless. What could be wasted and destroy my life apart from Christ is used for my good and His glory. So, I cried and I wept and the words rose from my lips, "It is well. It is well. It is well with my soul."
Today, after a week of rehearsing and praying for God to be glorified in worship this morning then feeling the first movement of our new child over the past two days, I will sing those words again, "Through it all, through it all my eyes are in You." I will stand before His people and we will praise Him as He knits another child together in my womb because it is well with me. It was well in March and it is well with my soul today! May we cry out today and let it be well with our souls because He is with us! It doesn't mean I don't hurt or struggle or that my loss is forgotten but it does mean, in my life, that there is hope and purpose and life where emptiness could have remained. And it is well with me.
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