needing more of Him
I have been caught in a struggle lately. I would call it just an emotional time or what it really is: a season of pruning in my life.
I re-read one of my the most influential books in my life a few months ago by Bruce Wilkinson: Secrets of the Vine. He writes about the different ways that the vine dresser or gardener cares for the vine as it grows and how these different methods are found in different seasons of our lives. I identified that I was in a season of pruning coming off of a season on discipline and learning some hard lessons.
But, life got busy and things happened and I seemed to withdraw from any attempt to go further as a person. The thought of becoming a more faithful or diligent or compassionate or whatever type of person would have been an improvement on my current state of human left my mind on a vacation.
The vacation is over and not because I am all of a sudden ready to work on myself again but because I am acutely aware of just how desperately I need Jesus. Not just that I need Jesus, but I need God and the Holy Spirit. All three are One but not the same. I need them because I cannot grow or learn to live well through this season of life without Them.
I was reminded of the pruning I have been, and am still, going through yesterday at church. Our pastor said that because God is faithful, the better you KNOW Him, the more you will TRUST Him. My vacation from pruning, from God clipping and shaping areas of my life served as time for me to mourn a recent loss and find perspective but that time did not mean that the pruning was over simple because life got hard. If anything, I need God to shape my life even more than I did before.
But the key is TRUSTING Him, that He is doing a good work to shape me into the person who will achieve all He has in mind for me to achieve. He has a purpose and a future for me and my stagnation in the face of necessary changes, my lack of trust in the face of fearful steps forward may keep me from bountiful fruit.
Our pastor went further to say something I NEEDED to hear: I cannot will myself to trust God more or have more faith in God. The way I trust and have faith is by KNOWING HIM more. The more I know Him, the more I cannot help but trust and have faith in Him.
There are a lot of unknowns happening for me right now. My husband and I are buying a house, making a commitment to call Dickson home. Our church is preparing to move into a new building that will give Crosspoint the space to welcome more people to God's Love. I have accepted a new job (still in my current area of practice but with new skills and co-workers) at Vandy Children's and start in a week. I want to have another child...
With all these new changes, I am stepping out in faith. I have physically felt the strain that fearing failure and anxious planning is causing and the only moment of relief from that physically debilitating fear is trust. I know this in moments of peace or worship or prayer with my Savior, my Father. But the more I know Him and accept the pruning that I NEED, I truly believe I will walk fearlessly (or at least less afraid) into these seasons of life that await us.
May the fruit be bountiful and sweet,
Hannah
I re-read one of my the most influential books in my life a few months ago by Bruce Wilkinson: Secrets of the Vine. He writes about the different ways that the vine dresser or gardener cares for the vine as it grows and how these different methods are found in different seasons of our lives. I identified that I was in a season of pruning coming off of a season on discipline and learning some hard lessons.
But, life got busy and things happened and I seemed to withdraw from any attempt to go further as a person. The thought of becoming a more faithful or diligent or compassionate or whatever type of person would have been an improvement on my current state of human left my mind on a vacation.
The vacation is over and not because I am all of a sudden ready to work on myself again but because I am acutely aware of just how desperately I need Jesus. Not just that I need Jesus, but I need God and the Holy Spirit. All three are One but not the same. I need them because I cannot grow or learn to live well through this season of life without Them.
I was reminded of the pruning I have been, and am still, going through yesterday at church. Our pastor said that because God is faithful, the better you KNOW Him, the more you will TRUST Him. My vacation from pruning, from God clipping and shaping areas of my life served as time for me to mourn a recent loss and find perspective but that time did not mean that the pruning was over simple because life got hard. If anything, I need God to shape my life even more than I did before.
But the key is TRUSTING Him, that He is doing a good work to shape me into the person who will achieve all He has in mind for me to achieve. He has a purpose and a future for me and my stagnation in the face of necessary changes, my lack of trust in the face of fearful steps forward may keep me from bountiful fruit.
Our pastor went further to say something I NEEDED to hear: I cannot will myself to trust God more or have more faith in God. The way I trust and have faith is by KNOWING HIM more. The more I know Him, the more I cannot help but trust and have faith in Him.
There are a lot of unknowns happening for me right now. My husband and I are buying a house, making a commitment to call Dickson home. Our church is preparing to move into a new building that will give Crosspoint the space to welcome more people to God's Love. I have accepted a new job (still in my current area of practice but with new skills and co-workers) at Vandy Children's and start in a week. I want to have another child...
With all these new changes, I am stepping out in faith. I have physically felt the strain that fearing failure and anxious planning is causing and the only moment of relief from that physically debilitating fear is trust. I know this in moments of peace or worship or prayer with my Savior, my Father. But the more I know Him and accept the pruning that I NEED, I truly believe I will walk fearlessly (or at least less afraid) into these seasons of life that await us.
May the fruit be bountiful and sweet,
Hannah
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