in the love of Christ

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” 2 Corinthians 3:17 A couple of months ago, I was driving into town with my girls. My oldest toddler was sitting in the back seat quietly singing to herself. “Oh-oh, My God is always with me wherever I go.” She has a raspy, child’s voice and it was sweet to hear her singing that in the dark of night in a quiet car. I prayed she would know that, believe that, and experience that for her whole life. Her God is with her wherever she goes. It was a crazy season. We had sold our house, sold nearly everything we owned, moved in with my in-laws, and accepted positions to serve as missionaries abroad. We were just two months shy of the big move and there was a ton of… feelings and emotions. My daughter would ask to please go drive by our old house, already redecorated and looking familiar yet foreign to us. We were, and still are in many ways, living lives with no strings attached. Hymns reiterati...

I woke up today thinking of birds. We are staying with family in New Orleans and the walls are a treasure chest of beautiful art. My aunt tells us that they have bought at least one piece of art each year of their marriage. Walking the halls is like stepping into a treasury of expression. My eye always looks for birds. Though there are meaningful pieces of every variety, the birds catch my eye most. They are a living reminder of God’s promise. In this season of our lives, we have sold all of our belongings (save a few mementos that wouldn’t make a penny but are priceless to us) and left our jobs. We are raising financial support for our ministry abroad as we prepare to be present disciples, sharing the hope of Christ with many who may never have hear it before. We are transient, living with my husband’s parents as we wait to step into the place God has called us next: Ireland. And, each day, I find myself growing closer to God. He is teaching me things I never dreamed I wo...

March 6, 2015 I can see myself holding him. Snuggled at my breast as I comfort him, he sleeps and I rock him by the window. "Stay awake, don't rest your head. Hmmm hmm hmmm..." February 15, 2016 I am cleaning out the notes on my phone and I read those words. The difference in a year is astounding. The season of birthday, holidays, showers is almost over and I am ready for that. I am ready to draw into myself, recuse myself from the social calendar and sit a while. This time, a new little girl will join me in my post new year repose. She will offer me a break from the work I do and usher in a new season of my motherhood. I am beyond excited to hold her, love her and rock her as I have only done from my womb until now. She will be here soon. But her sibling, the one to whom we said goodbye last year at this time and the one who seems to stir my mind as well as her father's mind, is still here. Engraved on my heart and bones, he will never leave and I am glad fo...

So many weeks of my life have been altered by the worship songs I prepare to sing the following Sunday. I don't listen to a lot of new music and, when I do, it is chosen for me while driving by a radio DJ. But, when I prepare for worship every other week or so, I am so thankful that I serve at a church where the worship folks are always finding the next best song to draw people closer to God and mix those new songs with the tried and true heart changers on Sunday morning. This week as I prepared for church, my heart was painfully joyful. I pulled up the list, looked at the songs and cried. Some are songs that have gotten me through rough days in college or simply bring me back to the Truth of the Gospel instantly. But, it was the last song that really put my heart into a fast rhythm. Driving home from an emotional church event in March, just two short weeks after our first trimester loss of our second child, I struggled with some facts about it that I just didn't know how t...

I have been caught in a struggle lately. I would call it just an emotional time or what it really is: a season of pruning in my life. I re-read one of my the most influential books in my life a few months ago by Bruce Wilkinson: Secrets of the Vine. He writes about the different ways that the vine dresser or gardener cares for the vine as it grows and how these different methods are found in different seasons of our lives. I identified that I was in a season of pruning coming off of a season on discipline and learning some hard lessons. But, life got busy and things happened and I seemed to withdraw from any attempt to go further as a person. The thought of becoming a more faithful or diligent or compassionate or whatever type of person would have been an improvement on my current state of human left my mind on a vacation. The vacation is over and not because I am all of a sudden ready to work on myself again but because I am acutely aware of just how desperately I need Jesu...

During worship a couple of Sundays ago, I sang the words "impossible things in His name they shall be done". I sang that tonight, realizing that the impossible things I prayed for were not done last week. I knew that our tiny baby had passed but I prayed God would bring that baby back to life before my next doctor's appointment. He did not do that. He welcomed that child into His glory in Heaven and I was asking for Him to send him or her back to me. I sang those same words with more belief than ever before again tonight. "Impossible things in His name they SHALL BE DONE!" because those words are true. They were true last week. They are true today. They will be true forever. I have learned and I KNOW that my God is capable of the impossible. He can breathe life into dead things. He is steadfast and faithful. But, if my prayers are not for His Will, they may not be answered in the way I hoped. I may be praying for "good" things but that does not mak...

On this Sunday, one year ago, I sat in my house excited for what the next day held. We had decided to speed up a very slow labor and have baby Jane induced early Monday morning. I couldn't eat anything after midnight, not that I wanted to as the labor contractions had already started and they were not playing nice on the way to the hospital. Needless to say, that was an anxious Sunday. Anxious and exciting. Today is a Sunday. It is the beginning of the week my baby girl will turn one year old! What a whirlwind. But I am, once again, not having anything to eat or drink after midnight and heading to a hospital room not too terribly far from the one baby Jane was born in for a slightly different reason. Jane has a little brother or sister on Heaven now and it is time for me to let that precious child go. We had known for a few weeks we were expecting but I was extremely anxious about our first appointment. Our OB said that was common for the second time around so we had our little...