in the love of Christ

My neighbor must be heading to work. I can hear his truck rolling on the gravel drive behind us with the windows open to let in some fresh spring air that smells so sweet and cool at 5:29am. And I am laying here with my six week old angel. Six weeks of pure joy and adjustment. She is adjusting to me and I to her. Now, she snoozes in the crook of my arm with her head on my arm and her hand on my chest. My whole body and being sustained her for that long stretch of months where I felt her wiggle and grow within me. Now, I still sustain and grow her along with my husband. I know now what my mom meant when she would say she never has any privacy. My whole body and self are exposed and touched out pretty much all day every day. But it has been the most valuable time in my life. I am thankful for the last six weeks of growing and adjusting along side my husband as we accept the fact that we are parents. That carries a heavy load, another load that I must surrender to The Lord because ...

Of all of the things I could choose as my first topic to blog about in such a long time, I have no idea why it has to be this one. But, it has to be this one. I just woke up from a sad dream. One that I hope my daughter never has. She is actually sleeping close by and I pray in this moment she will never experience the dream I just had. I was throwing a party in some strange alternate version of my present day life where I have a lot of land and tons of money to fund this kind of event. The scene is a not atypical for here in the south: big field, bonfire, beverages, cars/trucks parked everywhere, maybe 150 people total, country music coming from someone's open car. And I am single but all my girlfriends are there. I am, however, the only person with skin that is not white. Everything was going well. It was actually pretty fun. I was throwing the party so I may have been a little anxious and oblivious to the fact that people were keeping me at a distance when they could but, ...

Where should I even start? Let’s just have a lifetime catch up. I have sat down to write a blog at different times in the past few months with an idea to develop in my head but then…I have chosen to take a nap. Every single time I have chosen a stolen hour of sleep in my day over the extremely common trend of writing my ideas for the whole of the Internet accessible world to read. I have no apologies for naps but I am glad to be awake and writing now. All the extra sleep needs stem from one big life event happening now: I am growing a little girl. All these months of my body evolving into the sole means for my child to meet the world all the while keeping up my daily duties has been an exhaustingly beautiful. Being pregnant is simply amazing but I won’t say it has been painless. No complaints here. I went through nursing school and know what having a baby entails so I very clearly knew what I was getting myself into but knowing the lecture hall version and living it out are tw...

Where the land is unyielding, man must make a way. From the sky, what I see is a series of games played between the ambitious, planning man and the strong, forceful earth on which that man wishes to stand. In many parts, man's decisiveness and straight lines have left their mark. For miles you can see the grids and patterned portions of earth that have felt the sting of bulldozers, axes, drills. But for much more of the land, the majority of the earth has remained unyielding in its power and might, man has submitted or simply said, "No." Near deep canyons, winding rivers, untouchable mountain tops there are signs of man's submission. The paved roads become few and, in their presence, their shapes mirror the terrain instead of the straight paths found in the dreams of planning men. The founders of towns submit to the dry, arid deserts in building their future homes around whatever water may be found. Near every patch of green among the miles of sand stands a man who...

Sitting here, I opened my eyes. Those on my face were open and staring blankly at a computer screen but those of my heart were very much so closed. I sit here with my eyes open and see that change is happening all around me. I have nothing deep or spiritual revelations to post about today but simply some words from my wide open eyes. For weeks now, every night has been filled with mostly genuine interactions with my friends. I have conversed with my husband over many things but always after the laughter and words of our friends have barely faded from our presence. Life is flying by and I have not been alone much. I like to be alone. I actually love to be alone but my eyes just opened to the reality that many of my dearest friends will be in distant places from our current “home”. I have 14 days until I am a college graduate. What that says for my personal life is that I have 14 days left to devour precious moments with my friends. I’ve no doubt that the many memories and moment...

Please take a second and read this story. I promise, there will be a point. "I am standing by the shore of a a swiftly flowing river and hear the cry of a drowning man. I jump into the cold waters. I fight against the strong current and force my way to the struggling man. I gold on hard and gradually pull him to shore. I lay him out on the bank and revive him with artificial respirations. Just when he begins to breathe, I hear another cry for help. I jump into the cold waters. I fight against the strong current, and swim forcefully to the struggling woman. I grab hold and gradually pull her to shore. I lift her out onto the bank beside the man and work to revive her with artificial respiration. Just when she begins to breathe, I hear another cry for help. I jump into the cold waters. Fighting again against the strong current, I force my way to the struggling man. I am getting tired, so with great effort I eventually pull him to shore. I lay him out on the bank and try to revive ...

Sometimes (more often than not), my husband will say something that rings so loud and clear that I almost stop right there and shout. Sometimes they are things I want to hear and sometimes they aren't. More often than not, they are things we both need conviction about and he randomly delivers these meaning-packed phrases of truth in a way that shocks me into noticing their harsh difference from our surrounding conversation. Tonight was one of those times. He was going to bed and I was going to do homework (night shift, day shift, we get off schedule sometimes) and we were getting our pillow talk out before I went back to the kitchen. We talked about a few things and then we started talking about the Kingdom of God and how things seem one way to us and a completely different way to others. This happens in many arenas of our lives but it can be seen in many of the different doctrines of churches. These differences are the reason we have divisions, denominations and conventions div...